You Could Be Mime
by RedSoxfan15
Summary: A romcom/ sexcom about a nerdy high school senior who falls in love with the girl of his dreams Rated M for sexual content, pervasive language, drug use, nudity, and violence


**YOU COULD BE MINE**

**A RomCom about Sex, Drugs, and Rock N Roll**

(Voiceover.) "My name is Jeremy Smith, and I am from Nashua, New Hampshire. I have a very simple lifestyle: watch movies, play video games, and listen to countless rock albums a day, haha you name it. It seems as though I only have two friends, Brett Thompson and Matt Miller. You see, each of us love comic books. Yes, we're fucking comic book nerds, but what nerdy group of high school seniors wouldn't be? Then, there's the beautiful girl in our class that everyone wants to be their girlfriend: Jill Joyal. The only bad part is, at the current moment she has a boyfriend, Todd, the bully, and I feel bad for her because Todd is a nightmare and a total dick. What I am about to tell you started off really fast, but it turned out to be the greatest thing in my life. it really turned me into something other than what I am. This is where it all begins. I live with my cousin, Dale. My parents passed away and Dale was like the closest thing to a brother I had, though he did do some weird, fucked up shit sometimes, but anyways..."

Jeremy opened the door to his cousin's bedroom to find him with a woman naked, breasts exposed, riding him.

(VO) "This was Dale's lifestyle."

The girl turned and looked at Jeremy, and stopped riding.

"Ugh, dammit Dale, your freakish cousin just walked in on us."

"Jesus Christ, Jeremy, what the fuck is your problem?" cried Dale.

Jeremy was embarrassed.

"Didn't ya see the hat on the doorknob?" asked Dale.

"yeah, but," began Jeremy.

(VO): "As you can probably tell, I was very educated at the whole sex thing. I never had sex in my life. A high school senior and still a virgin.

"Dale, get him out of here!"

"Shut up, Lisa!" cried Dale. "Dude, we went over all of this before, remember?"

"Yeah, sorta," said Jeremy. "Dude, can you like put some boxers on or something. That fact that you are standing here naked in front of me kinda makes me uncomfortable."

"No," said Dale. "I'm gonna stand here naked and make you look at the size of my dick right now. You see, it's soft and small. A second ago it was hard and smooth and...enormous..."

"Dale!"

"Shut up, Lisa!" cried Dale. "Look," he told Jeremy. "We went over all of this. You were probably too busy playing fucking... XBOX or watching Bond or... I don't know, tickling Pikachu to death to remember."

"Dale," said Lisa.

"Lisa, one more word out of your mouth, and I swear, I will chop those tits right off you.''

Lisa got up. "Fuck you!" she said as she left.

"It's time to bring me to school," said Jeremy.

"Shit," said Dale.

(VO): "Dale had to bring me to school in the mornings. It's not like he had to be anywhere. He didn't have a job or anything. You're probably wondering why I don't just drive myself to school. There's a logical reason. My group of friends I was talking about before got water balloons and we decided to do a drive-by attack on elderly people, and one of the balloons hit an old man in a wheelchair in the face. He wasn't too happy, and the police weren't too happy. So for some insane reason, he took away our licenses for 90 days, which really sucked. But I liked the rides with Dale.

"So Jeremy, any chicks that you think are cute?''

"Well, there is this one girl," said Jeremy.

"Oh great, she better not be whatever you are."

Jeremy pulled out his phone and went to Facebook to pull out a picture of her. Dale grabbed the phone and looked at the picture.

"Damn, dude, not bad! She's pretty hot. Hehe, look at this one. Why don't you ask her out?"

"She has a boyfriend. todd Reynolds."

"What, that douchebag bully?" cried Dale. "Hehe she looks might fine in this bikini..."

"Dude, watch out!"

Dale slammed on the brakes at the crosswalk near the student parking lot. Jill. She looked at them.

"Dude!" she screamed. "Jeremy! What the fuck is his problem?"

"Hey look," said Dale. "Ok, I admit I wasn't paying attention, but it was because this kid was showing me a porn video on his phone, and I just kinda... caught up!"

"Ew, Jeremy!" cried Jill, and walked away.

"Wait. Jill... I... C..." Jeremy stuttered.

"Your future wife walked away. I don't believe she's listening," said Dale.

"I know you moron," said Jeremy.

(VO): "Things really didn't get any better that day. Somehow, Jill spread word around that I was like some perverted sex loving freak or criminal or something. Like I said, I was not very educated on the whole 'sex' thing, but the bully, Todd, really handed it to me in class later."

"Hey, Smith! looking at more pussies on that phone of your, or did you switch to gigantic pictures of dicks?"

"It wasn't porn."

"Then what was it?" Todd asked. "Too afraid to admit you were watching gay porn?"

(VO): "I had never felt so humiliated in my life. Luckily, at lunch, i had my two other best friends to sit with, who like me, were not educated about sex."

"Dude, I wanna be Hulk for Halloween," said Brett.

"I already called dibs on Hulk," said Matt.

"When?"

"Last Halloween."

"Guys," said Jeremy. "Don't you think you're a little too old to be going trick or treating this year?"

"We do it just so we can get the candy," said Brett.

Jeremy looked over at the table next to them. Jill and Todd were sitting there.

"So Jilly, whatdya say about tonight?" Todd asked. "You, me, have ourselves a little bit of fun?"

"I have to study for midterms, Todd," she replied.

"Fuck midterms," said Todd. "You're not gonna pass them anyways."

"You should probably study too, Todd."

"Fuck that, I wanna fuck you tonight."

Jill angrily closed her book. "No, Todd. Okay? All's you ever want me to do is fuck you, and I never have anytime to do anything else. Now I need to study."

"You're no fun," said Todd.

"Well all's you ever care about is having sex with me. We've been going out for three months and we've had sex what, like almost every night. My grades are slipping. If sex is all you care about, then I can't date you anymore."

Todd looked at her with disgust and walked away, pissed off.

"You'll fuckin' regret this, Jill," he yelled.

(VO): "Now was my chance. I had to talk to her."

Jeremy got up and sat down in front of Jill.

"You almost killed me today."

"technically it wasn't me that almost did. It was my cousin. And I wasn't watching porn."

"What was it then?" she asked.

"I was showing him the trailer for... Banana Man."

"Hmm, Banana Man?"

"No I wasn't. Look, I just heard what happened with you and Todd, and I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me tonight."

"Seriously?"

"Does it look like I'm kidding?"

"I'm studying for midterms."

"Which aren't for another month."

"Okay. Fine," she said, pointing a finger at him. "But none of that weird, nerd shit you do."

"Why don't you come to basketball tryouts tonight and watch me?"

"You playing sports? Okay. Fine. 7 right?"

"Yeah. Don't be late."

"Pretty shitty date, but I can live with it."

"See you at seven."

(VO): Basketball, for me, was a total nightmare. Layups were a pain in my ass. Todd was watching, and must have thought that Jill was there to watch him too."

"Haha," yelled Todd to the tryout team. "Smith can't even make a fuckin' layup."

Jeremy looked at him as the ball came down and hit him on the head. Everyone in the gym, including Jill, laughed.

"That's some Lebron James shit right there, Smith. You fuckin' ball magnet!"

Jeremy walked out of the school that night and slammed the door behind him.

"You suck, Smith!" came a voice.

Jill was waiting at her car. "Hey," she said, laughing.

Jeremy walked over to her. "You're laughing."

"It was pretty funny."

"That fucking Todd."

"If it bothers you, learn to stand up for yourself, Jeremy. You can't expect everyone to fight your fight for you."

"i can see your point."

"Of course. Because it's logical."

"hey, you wanna grab something to eat?"

"It's like 9:30."

"No, at my house."

"Um, yeah sure. As long as you show me the trailer for Banana Man."

"haha very funny. Let's go."

Jill drove them to Jeremy's house.

"Look, tonight was actually kinda fun," she said.

"Glad to hear," said Jeremy. they got out of the car and went inside.

"So yeah, this is the pad."

"Pretty schnazy."

"Wait till you see my room."

He brought her upstairs and opened the door.

"Whoa, you really are a movie are half these posters?"

"Boondock Saints, Dark Knight, Dark Knight Rises, Skyfall, Casino Royale, Gladiator, Braveheart, Departed, and Fight Club."

"What's this one?"

"Oh that's Gears of War. A video game."

"How bout that one?"

"Shinedown. A rock band."

"You bring girls up here?"

"Actually... you're the first."

Jill moved towards him. "Really?" she said. "Cause this is actually kinda romantic and sexy." And Jill kissed him. "Take off your clothes."

Jeremy started with his pants, and pulled them down to reveal his boxers.

"Really?" cried Jill, stripping down to her lingerie. "Spider-Man?"

"What?"

"You have Spider-Man boxers?"

"They were out of Batman apparel."

In bed, Jill was now naked, the sides of her boobs visible, with Jeremy on top of her. "Ok, I understand that this is your first time and you're gonna need some work. Now, put your cock in me."

"My cock?"

"Your cock."

"What's my cock?"

"Your hand."

"Really?"

"No, you're fuckin' dick, Jeremy. Take your dick and stick it in me."

"Where?"

"My pussy."

"What's a pussy?"

"My vagina you fucking moron!"

"There's a hole in your vagina?"

"Yeah, it's a hole that brings your dick to the center of a universe, and traps it in a black hole so there's no escaping."

"So my penis will be gone?"

"No I'm being sarcastic."  
"Oh good. Wait... what do I do after that?"

"Now just thrust. Move up and down like you're bouncing on a pogo stick."

So Jeremy began to thrust up and down.

"Oh, oh yes. Keep going! Faster!"

"Faster?"

"Faster!"

"Does it work out my abs or something?"

"No just fuck me faster! Now cum into me!"

"Come? Like, 'hello I'm coming over for breakfast?"'

"No! Ejaculate!"

Jeremy tried but nothing happened.

"I don't feel any different."

"Just give it a minute," said Jill.

"How often do you do this?"

"Everyday now shut up and blow your load! Uh, yes, there you go, uh, yes... you did it. It felt so good! Now stop."

"Stop?"

"No yield, Jeremy, yes fucking stop!"

"Oh sorry. So what do we do now?"

"We sleep together," said Jill. "And congrats in one night you went from the on deck circle to home plate in six minutes."

The next morning, Dale was up bright and early to wake jeremy up and take him to school. He opened the door and went inside.

"Jeremy. Yo, wake up," and shook Jeremy. Jill woke up and sat up, and started freaking out.

"Whoa! Whoa!" cried Dale.

"What the hell?" cried Jill.

"Hey. Hey."

"I don't speak 'hey hey.' You almost killed me yesterday." And she reached across the bed to punch Dale. Jeremy intervened.

"Stop!" cried Jeremy.

"Jesus, crazy bitch, calm down!" cried Dale.

"You asshole!" cried Jill and threw a few more punches, but missed.

"Whoa! Calm down! Chill out okay?" cried Dale. "Now let's all be friends here. What happened. Did this kid finally get it in?"

"No, I'm in his bed, topless, laying next to him for no reason," said Jill.

"I hate sarcastic girls," said Dale.

"Well then you're gonna hate me even more."

A few minutes later, she headed downstairs. Dale was sitting on the couch, watching TV.

"Where's Jeremy?" he asked.

"In the shower."

"You didn't join him?"

"We just did it last night. Besides, I'm not the sex in the shower type of girl."

"That's like the best way to have sex," said Dale. "there's so much heat that it reduces the risk of contracting pnuemonia."

"You can't get pneumonia from having sex."

"oh girl, you'd be surprised."

"What are you watching?"

"Highlights of the World Series. Goddamn Dodgers!"

"I'm a Dodgers fan."

"Too bad for you."

"What about you?"

"Texas Rangers. Jeremy likes the Red Sox."

"Is that a... bong?"

"A Charlie Sheen bong."

A few minutes later, Jeremy came down the stairs. "Dale I.." He looked over. Jill had a joint in her hand and the bong in her lap. Dale was coughing.

"Ok, gimme back the bong," he said.

Jill smoked the joint and began to cough a little bit. "i never thought I'd smoke weed in my life," she said.

At school, jeremy sat with Matt and Brett. So did Jill.

"hey guys," said Jeremy. Matt and Brett were stunned. Jill kissed Jeremy and sat down.

"Hi guys," she said.

"Matt, Brett, meet Jill. Jill, meet Brett and Matt."

"Pleasure," said Matt.

"You're a hot babe," whispered Brett.

"Well...umm...anyways," said Jeremy. "You guys going to the costume party tomorrow?"

"No," said Matt. "Are you?"

"Yeah."

"Since when?"

"Since like now."

"You need a date moron."

"I am his date," said Jill.

"Numero Dos," said Jeremy.

"So I'm guessing you missed Supernatural last night," said Brett.

"Shit," cried Jeremy. "Look, guys, I'm sorry. i totally forgot that it was on."

"And last night was Halo night. And you bailed."

"Guys look, I'm sorry, but there's more important things to life than playing Team Deathmatch on a game that isn't even that popular anymore."

"I'm going to get a pretzel," said Jill to Jeremy. "You want one?"

"Sure," replied Jeremy. "But no mustard. Mustard sucks. Look guys, I was busy last night."

"You're never busy," said Brett. "And how all of a sudden did you start hanging out with the hottest girl in school?"

"Uh, if you haven't noticed, which you didn't, she's kinda my girlfriend."

"She can't be," said Matt.

"Look, you guys are just jealous that I scored with the hottest girl in the senior class. You know what else?"

"What?''

"I had sex for the first time in my life and you guys are still FUCKING VIRGINS!" Jeremy laughed. Later, Jeremy and Jill were at the Halloween store picking out costumes for the party.

"Your friends seem nice," said Jill.

"They are a little fanboyish," said Jeremy.

"You are too."

"Eh, not really anymore. What? NO WAY!"

"What?"

Jeremy picked up a costume from the rack.

"Uh-uh," said Jill. "No way. No chance in hell."

"Oh comeon, it's the Ninja Turtles! Who wouldn't want to go to a Halloween party as a Ninja Turtle?"

"Me."

"Jealous."

"Fanboy."

"Oh wait, this one's even better."

"Oh great."

"Comeon, Optimus Prime from Transformers."

"I bet you can name every Transformer."

"What are you high? There's like 500 of them."

"What's that?" Jill picked it up. "Slutty cop outfit."

"No way. I'm not letting you wear that."

"I think I should. if you get to be your Ninja Transformer guy, then I get to be a slutty cop."

"Why?''

"That's what every other girl is gonna be."  
The next night, Jeremy was getting his makeup on for his nerdy vampire outfit. Dale was confused. "So who are you again?"

"Abraham Lincoln," said Jeremy. "Vampire Hunter."

"Why?" cried Dale. "That movie sucked."

"In a good way," said Jeremy.

"You look like Abraham Lincoln's autistic daughter or something."

The door bell rang.

"Got it," said Dale. He opened the door to find Jill wearing her slutty cop outfit, which featured bottom lingerie and two badges."

"Whoa," said Dale. "I'll go get ..."

Dale walked into the bathroom.

"Dude, what the hell. You gotta let me fuck this chick, Jeremy."

"She's 18. you're like...40."

"I'm not 40!" cried Dale. "She's 18. It's legal."

"She doesn't wanna date a 40 year old."

"I'm not fuckin' 40, Abraham. Hope those vampires suck the blood out of you!"

Jeremy made his way to the door.

"Fuck it," said Jill. "Let's skip the party so that you can bring me upstairs."

"Wait... what?" cried Dale. "I'm definitely watching this."

The next day at school, Todd cornered Jill and Jeremy.

"I didn't see you two at the party last night."

"it's none of your business Todd. We're not dating anymore," said Jill.

"Hey, asshole," said Todd to Jeremy. "You fucking my girlfriend?"

"She's not your girlfriend."

Todd punched Jeremy to the ground.

"Todd, really? All because I'm dating him now?" cried Jill.

At Jill's house, she cleaned the blood of Jeremy's face.

"Fuckin' asshole gave me a black eye," cried Jeremy.

Jill sighed. "Well then we gotta do something."

"Was he always like that? OW, ow!"

"Sorry. All's he wanted to do was have sex."

"All's I ever wanna do is go to the movies on our dates."

"But at least that's doing something other than sitting inside all day like you used to. I like getting out like that. Todd didn't."

"We'll do something about it tomorrow."

The next day, Dale accompanied Jeremy to school... to find Todd.

"Well, look who it is," yelled Todd. "Back for round two I suppose?"

"Giving my cousin a black eye?" cried Dale.

"Who the fuck are you?"

Dale grabbed him by the coat. "I'm the motherfucker you don't wanna fuck with."

"What Smith? Not enough balls to fight me yourself?"

"You asked for it," said Dale, and layed an uppercut haymaker to Todd's face. Jeremy clapped. "Well Todd, that's what happens when you're a douchebag bully. By the way, i am fucking your ex-girlfriend, so go fuck yourself."

"Dude," said a bystander. "You just haymakered a wrestler."

"I just punched a fuckin' dick!" cried Dale.

"Oh my god, today at school with Dale was amazing," said Jill that night to Jeremy. They were walking around downtown Nashua.

"The dude deserved what he got," said Jeremy. "Wanna catch a movie?"

'Why don't we go out to eat?" Jill suggested. "Because this is really the first date that you haven't quoted a movie or video game."

"Really? And you didn't like that?"

"It was cute, but you know, kinda nerdy."

"Ok then. How bout here. Dick's."

"Is this the place where everybody's a dick to you?"

"Yeah. I've eaten here a couple times with Dale. My hat literally said that I was his gay lover, and he loved Ken and Barbie dolls."

"Okay, sounds good. Hey, spring break's next week, and I'm going to visit some family up in LA. It's my hometown. Anywho, you wanna tag along?"

"For real?"

"Yeah. They'd be happy to meet someone like you."

"Okay, sounds good. But no Dodgers games."

"Why?''

"They have two of our best players in Gonzalez and Crawford."

One wee later, they were in LA. Jill was showing Jeremy all the sights and the big Hollywood sign in the mountains. They were out to eat again at a fancy place.

"Wow," said Jeremy.

"What?" asked Jill.

"This city, it's just amazing. I never thought I'd ever be to this part of the country. You know, I'm not the travelling kind of type."

"Hi," said the waiter. "My name's David and I'll be taking care of you tonight. You two on a date?"

"Ah, that's a little personal don't ya think?" asked Jeremy.

"I'm sorry," said David. "How long have you two been about to break up?"

"Ok buddy," said Jill. "We're just friends out on a date."

"If you were just friends, you wouldn't come to a restaurant like this."

"Then where would we go?" asked Jeremy.

David didn't reply, and walked away.

"Awkward," said Jeremy.

"Tell me about it," said Jill.

"Uh, Jill, look to your left. Is that... Todd?"

"Oh my god? Did he follow us here? All the way from New Hampshire?"

"I dunno but he's watching."

"Intently." And Jill leaned in and kissed Jeremy. Todd walked away.

"He's gone," said Jeremy. "That kid's creepier than fuckin' Courage the Cowardly Dog."

David walked back over. "I just realized that I forgot to take your drink orders."

"Go away Dave!" cried Jeremy.

"'Xcuse me folks, is this guy bothering you?"

An Englishman with long, jet black hair approached the table.

"Russell Brand?" cried Jill.

"It's Aldous Snow.''

"No. Aldous Snow is a character you played."

"Well, I must still be in character. Would you like me to sing you a song?"

"Sure," said Jeremy.

"_When the lights/ Go Down..."_

"Okay, not Journey," said Jeremy.

"_You raise me up..."_

"Josh Groban?" cried Jill. "Josh Groban's only good if someone dies or if you need uplifting words."

_"If this were a movie..."_

"Really?" cried Jeremy. 'You're a Taylor Swift fan?"

"She's cute, mate."

"She looks like she's fucking 10 and un potty-trained."

"Well then what do you want me to sing mate?"

"African Child?"

"Don't you remember? I've forgotten the words to African Child."

"Probably because _Get Him To The Greek_ was a shitty movie."

"What's _Get Him To The Greek, _mate?"

"Wow," said Jill. "Are you on like cocaine or something?"

"No actually. I'm quite fine. I'm on ecstasy. _Inside of you/ Let me inside of you."_

Jeremy leaned over to Jill. "I think now would be a good time to leave."

"I think you're right."

Jill took Jeremy to her father's house, where her younger brother lived.

"So your parents divorced and you somehow moved to New Hampshire?"

"Crazy right?'' she said, and led him inside.

"Jilly baby," came her dad's voice. "Cameon, your sister's here! Come say hi."

"I should probably warn you about my brother..."

"Oh my god!" cried Cameron. "It's my sister here with a guy. A GUY! Dad, look, it's a very handsome, good looking man! Com here and give me a man hug!"

"Ooompf!" cried Jeremy, and he felt himself being rocked back and forth by Cameron's arms.

"He's got... a... tight... grip," said Jeremy, literally choking.

"He's... into men," she said.

"You failed to mention you had a gay brother."

"You calling my son gay?"

"No sorry sir.''

"Who the fuck are you?"

"The dude that's fucking your daughter. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too. Comeon, watching a movie in the other room."

Unfortunately for Jeremy, that movie happened to be Titanic. When the credits began to roll, he was relieved.

"So what'dya think?" asked Jill.

"That... was the most boring movie of all time," stated Jeremy. "Three hours of boredom. Only the last 15 minutes were worth the watch."

"Hey," came Jill's dad's voice. "You disagreeing with my daughter?"

"Dad, everyone has their own opinion."

"Well in this house everybody's opinion has to be the same."

"Why is your father all of a sudden talking with a southern accent?"

"What's that, boy? You questioning my authority?"

"He makes fun of them," whispered Jill.

"Jill, get this motherfucker out of here and get out of my house. Go back to New Hampshire."

"Wait!" cried Cameron. "One more hug for a handsome young man!"

"I don't think that's necessary," said Jeremy.

Jill's dad left the room, and came back with a shotgun.

"Holy shit, let's get the hell outta here!" cried Jeremy. They ran so far away outside, that they were out of range for Jill's dad to try and shoot Jeremy. "You also didn't mention the fact that your dad is fucking lethal!"

"I can't tell you everything all at once!" cried Jill.

"I was gonna ask him if I could ask you to prom."

They stopped running. "Of course I'll go with you," said Jill. "I was expecting to anyway. You don't need my father's permission."

"I thought I did."

"That's only for marriage."

"Oh."

"These are for you," she said as she handed him something.

"Dodgers tickets?"

"Look who they're playing."

"You got me Dodgers-Yankees tickets?"

"Cause, you know, I'm a Dodgers fan, and we both hate the Yankees."

The next day, they arrived at Dodger stadium, and were sitting right behind homeplate.

"How'd you get these tickets?" asked Jeremy.

"Oh when we were running out of the house last night, I grabbed them off the kitchen table," said Jill.

"You got a sick mind, you know that?" said Jeremy jokingly.

"I know," said Jill, and laughed.

"Now batting third baseman, Alex Rodriguez."

The stadium let out a huge cry of boos.

"Watch this," said Jeremy. "Hey, Fuck-Rod! Still trying to flirt with more girls in the stands, like you did in game one of the ALCS last season? Girardi didn't bench you today?"

A-Rod swung and missed.

"Oh look that's strike one. My girlfriend could swing better than that. A hahahahaha strike two, what ya gonna do? I want a batter, not a fuckin' slacker!"

A-Rod struck out.

"Ha, the ver so famous walk back to the dugout," said Jeremy. "Hey A-Rod, walking down the tunnel to see if Madonna or Cameron Diaz are waiting for you?"

"Uh, Jeremy," said Jill. Security walked over to their seats.

"You two," said the guard. "Your outta here."

A week later, Jeremy and Jill were back in New Hampshire. Jeremy was sitting with Matt and Brett at the lunch table.

"Dude, you guys will not believe who I am going to prom with."

"Your girlfriend?" cried Matt.

"No your mom, yes, Jill. i am so psyched."

"Well good for you," cried Brett.

"What's wrong?"

"You're leaving us that night so that you can go to some stupid dance?"

"Yeah, and it's not stupid. How can you guys skip out on senior prom?"

"In case you haven't noticed, we don't have dates."

"Doesn't mean you can't go."

"Lucky you, somehow Jill saw that your were attractive and cool."

"I'm not lucky. I'm just... happy. It's my personality. You know, i thought we would never get past the first date anyways, that you know, it was only a one night thing. But I'm more of a man now because of her. She's changed me. And I'm pretty sure if you guys got girlfriends, they would change you too."

Jill was right behind him. She put her lunch tray down on the table.

"Jeremy, can I talk to you for a sec?"

She brought him into the hallway. "I hope I didn't hear what I think I just heard?"

"Shit," whispered Jeremy. "I didn't mean it. It came out wrong. I didn't know another way to word it."

"So is everything you said to them true? That you thought we wouldn't get past the first date?"

"Well, at the time, it was a long shot that I could score with a girl like you."

"Are you fucking serious right now?" cried Jill. "You thought it was a long shot?"

"Why are you getting mad over the littlest thing? Huh? Why?"

"It's not the littlest thing. If your drunken cracked out pimp cousin told you anything...''

"Don't talk bad about Dale! He does the best he can. He's on welfare. At least I don't have a father who fakes being southern and threatens people with shotguns, nor do I have a crazy gay brother who loves to try and kill you when he hugs people."

"So now you're talking shit about my family?"

"Because you're talking shit about my cousin. By the way, when we watched Titanic that night, I forgot to tell you, I fell asleep for 40 minutes! How's that, bitch?"

"Did you just call me a bitch?"

"Yeah, and don't regret saying it."

Jill sighed. "Fine. If I knew this is how you were really were, Jeremy..."

"I'm only like this right now because of you."

"Well then, I guess this is it then," said Jill. "Don't call me, text me, email me, Facebook me, or anything. Find another date to prom Jeremy. But that might be tough when they see your Spider-Man boxers later that night when you're about to have sex."

"Don't walk away, Jill. Jill. j...''

He watched, as she walked down the hall, and out of sight.

During the following days and weeks that followed, Jeremy was a lost soul while Jill was enjoying herself. Jeremy had gone back to staying inside all day, while Jill's Facebook status said she was moving back to LA before the prom and wouldn't graduate with the Nashua High School South senior class. Jeremy felt so torn apart inside, that he decided to watch Titanic again. Dale came into his bedroom one day when he was watching it.

"Dude, Jeremy, are you crying?"

"Uhmmm-hmmm-hmmm," said Jeremy literally crying. "The Titanic sunk, the Titanic sunk! Leonardo DiCaprio died."

Jill was enjoying her time away from Jeremy, but all's Jeremy could think about was her. She was the one that had made him who he was today. A boy who had become a man. Dale noticed a big difference in Jeremy after he and Jill had broken up.

"Look Jeremy," he said one day. "Nut up. Grow some balls. Admit it's your fault."

"It's not."

"It sounds like it. If you didn't say all that shit, you would still have a girlfriend. And lemme tell you something. When you and Jill were together, it was the happiest I had ever seen you. And what did you do? you just threw it all away. If were her, I would have dumped you as well. How stupid can you be? She made you who you are today. She turned you from a boy into a man, and now you're gonna go back to being a boy? Seriously. What is wrong with you? After all these years that I waited for something like this to happen to you."

"Quit lecturing me okay?" cried Jeremy. "It's not like you got anywhere with your life Dale. What do you do huh? All's you do is fuck chicks and smoke that stupid bong and..."

Dale punched him. "You know why you're living with me right now? Because your parents knew that I was closest thing that you had to a brother. Sure, I may be a little rough around the edges, but comeon man, give me a fuckin' break! Don't dare talk about my lifestyle! You think it was easy? I was just like you at one time. Then I did some terrible things that I realize now that I'm not too proud of."

"Where'd you end up after that?"

"Kicked out of school. And this is the lifestyle I reverted to. Look at me. You really wanna be like me in a way? Revert back to your old lifestyle of watching movies and playing video games until the end of the world? Cause if I were you, I sure as hell wouldn't." And Dale left the room. A few minutes later Jeremy walked down the stairs and out the front door. "Jeremy!" cried Dale, but it was too late.

Jeremy had gotten on his bike and make his way to the Market Basket across the street. That was where Jill worked. She was behind the customer service booth today. He went inside and walked up to the booth.

"Hey, is Jill around?"

"Who's asking?" said the young girl.

"Her boyfriend."

Jill approached the counter. "What do you want, Jeremy?" she asked. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again."

"I know what you said," said Jeremy. "And if you could just give me a few minutes to apologize..."

"It's not gonna make me take you back Jeremy. I'm moving back to LA in three days. You broke my heart. I'm not going to prom. If you try and come to find me in LA, I will report you for stalking me, do you understand?"

Jeremy sighed. "Yes," he said sadly.

"Now I'm very busy, Jeremy, so I need you to leave. Right now."

And she walked back to her post in the booth. Jeremy sighed again and put his head down. He failed. There was no getting her back. All because of a few words he now regretted saying. He left the store and headed for home. Three days passed. Jill's Facebook status said that she was leaving for LA on a 10 AM flight from Logan Airport in Boston. it was 9, and Jeremy was awake, sitting on his bed thinking about Jill. Dale walked in.

"Dude, you hungry?" he asked. "You haven't eaten in like three days."

"She's leaving," said Jeremy. "She's leaving today and she's never coming back."

Dale sighed. "Jeremy, let me ask you something. Do you love her?"

"What?"

"Do you love her?"

"Yes."

"Alright then, get up and get your shoes on."

"Why where are we going?"

"We are going to stop her from getting on that flight. What airport is she at and what time does the plane leave?"

"It leaves Logan Airport at 10."

"Shit," said Dale. 'Comeon, let's go."

"Wait, let me put my jeans on."

"Look there's no time. It'll take about an hour to get there and we are already stalling. Stay in your pajamas."

Jeremy put on his shoes and he and Dale ran to the car. They were on their way. The first two highways were traffic free. But, once they got to the highway going towards Boston, traffic backed up. Dale pounded the steering wheel. "Shit, shit, shit, shit!" he cried. "What time is it?"

"9:20," said Jeremy.

"40 minutes. Shit! I hate when I-93 is backed up."

"Hey Smith1' called a voice in the lane next to them. Both Jeremy and Dale looked over. It was Todd. "There's no chance of trying to win her back! i'm going to get there before you."

"I'd like to see you try you little prick!" called Dale, and stormed into the breakdown lane, and floored it. Todd did the same and floored it. Construction workers were standing in the breakdown lane to fix a big pothole in the middle of the highway. Dale came storming through, with Todd right behind him. Todd reached into his glove compartment and pulled out a gun.

"Holy shit, he's got a fuckin' gun!" cried Jeremy.

"Duck!" said Dale, and Todd shot a few rounds. All of a sudden, police cars sounded their sirens and the chase was on. For the next ten miles, gunshot were fired between Todd and the police, and Dale was doing the best he could to get Jeremy to Logan Airport as fast as he could.

"How long?" asked Dale. 'How long?"

"Fifteen minutes," said Jeremy.

"Fucking A!" cried Dale. "There's the turnoff!" said Jeremy.

"Hold on Jeremy!" cried Dale. And Dale sped through under a bridge and onto the Zakim bridge and into the tunnel.

"Left, left, LEFT!" cried Jeremy.

"I know, I can fuckin' read Jeremy," said Dale, and they went left, while Todd missed the turn and went right towards Government Center. He got out of the tunnel and was in the North End of Boston. "Fuck my ass!" he cried. the police pulled him over and he got out of the car. But police cars had followed Jeremy and Dale to Logan as well. Dale didn't care. He didn't park in one of the five thousand parking lots Logan Aiport had. He parked in front of the main entrance to the airport, and he and jeremy got out. The police did the same and followed them into the airport. Dale and Jeremy stopped running and looked confused. Jeremy looked at his watch. 9:55. They had five minutes. Dale had an idea. He saw and Indian man going by. "Look!" he called to the cops. "Terrorist! Terrorist! he has a bomb! he's with Al-Quaeda!" Everyone in the airport stood frozen in fear, and the Indian guy was very confused. Dale and Jeremy made a run for it, while the officers arrested the Indian man. Jeremy and Dale ran for a few more minutes, then stopped. Too many gates. Which one was the flight for LA? 9:58. Then a voice came over the loud speaker.

"Last call for boarding for the 10 o'clock flight to Los Angeles on Gate D-37."

"D-37," said Dale. "Let's go." They made a run towards terminal D and looked for gate 37. Nowhere in sight. Then Dale spotted it. "This way," he said and he and Jeremy ran. When they approached the gate, Dale punched the ticket guy, and he and Jeremy ran onto the plane. The security guards saw this and followed.

"Jill, Jill?" called Dale.

"Jill?" cried Jeremy.

All of a sudden, Jill heard Dale's voice.

"Shit," she whispered.

"Jeremy, I see her," said Dale.

"Dale, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"He's all yours, Jill," said Dale, and Jeremy ran up to her.

"What the fuck is going on?" asked Jill. "I thought I told you..."

"Fuck what you said," said Jeremy. "Just here me out."

"Sir, you're under arrest," said the security guard.

"Just give me two minutes please," said Jeremy, and the cop backed away.

Jeremy looked at her dead in the eye. "Look Jill," he said. "I didn't mean what I said that day in school. We are meant to be together. The truth is, since that day and the moment we broke up, I can't get you off my mind. I can't stop thinking about you. Because of you, I am no longer a boy. I am a man, and you made me that person that I really want to be. I don't want to be that nerdy, movie buff, video game loving freak that first asked you out anymore. I want to be the perfect guy for you, and in order to do so, I know I have to make things right. I can't let you be the one that got away, because you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. And believe me when I say this, what i am telling you now is coming from the deepest part of my heart, and It would kill me inside to know that you are now living in LA and I would never see you again. the truth is... I love you Jill Joyal. And I think I have since the first minute I saw you. Which is why I am about to ask you a very important question." Jeremy got down on on knee and pulled a box out from his pocket.

"Wait, wait, wait," said Dale. "You're not proposing are you?"

"Shut up, Dale!" said Jeremy and Jill together.

"Jillian Joyal," he opened the box. "Will you do me the honor to change your mind and go to the senior prom with me?"

Jill grabbed the box from his hand. "Jeremy, that was the most romanctic thing I've ever heard." And she leapt into his arms, and their lips met with the best kiss of Jeremy's young life. Dale smiled, and the passengers began to clap. But the security guards refused to give up.

"Both of you, hands above your head."

"Fuck me," said Dale, and he felt the handcuffs slip onto the wrists of his hands. Jeremy put his hands above his head. "Jill," he said.

"Yeah?" she replied.

"As you can see, I'm fuckin' being arrested!"

And Jill grabbed the guards arms. "Take those off of both of them," she said. She grabbed the handcuff keys and unlocked the handcuffs on jeremy, and kissed him for one last time. It was a very long one as well. But poor Dale.

"Hey, gimme the keys. Oh wait, that won't work, because I'M STILL FUCKIN' HANDCUFFED! Undo the handcuffs, please Jill!"

Jill, still kissing Jeremy, threw the keys at Dale, and they landed right in front of his feet.

"Damn it," he said. "Can somebody bend down and pick up the handcuff keys and unlock the cuffs so that i can finally be free?"

A young, hot, sexy lady bent down and picked them up. before she could get up, Dale spoke. 'And while you're down on your knees..." he said. "...Unzip my pants and

gimme a blowjob!" Jill stopped kissing Jeremy, and the passengers looked at Dale. Dale half heartedly laughed.

(VO): "So in the end, i got my girl back, and the rest of senior year pretty much sucked. The prom wasn't even that good, but at least I got to go with the very person that I hoped I would, the one I loved. You're probably wondering what happened to Todd. Well turns out, Todd escaped from prison and fled to England, where he auditioned for the role of Edward Cullen in Twilight. Sadly, he got the role, and now he has crazy screaming girls chasing after him all the time. As for me and Jill, we vowed to stay together and sort out our troubles in our relationship. As for Dale, well let's say he was just Dale being Dale."

"uh, uh, yeah Dale, that feels good," said the girl in Dale's bed.

"i'm like a rodeo clown!" cried Dale.

"Light me up!"

"I'll light you up like a Christmas tree," said Dale. "Fuckin you like I'm down to the last present on Christmas Day."

**THE END**


End file.
